Everyone forgets things now and then. Maybe you forgot to pick up batteries while you were at the store. Maybe you forgot to send Great Aunt Murtle (whom you haven't seen in 5 years) a birthday card. Maybe you forgot your wallet once when you were in a hurry to get to work.
But do you forget things every day? And important things like a close friend/family members' wedding reception (when the invitation was on the fridge AND it was written on your calendar)? Or a doctor's appointment you had to wait over a month to get in for (they probably called to confirm the appointment, maybe sent an email, and it was likely also on your calendar)? How about a church activity you had been excited about for a week, talked to a friend about that morning, and didn't remember to go until you were laying in bed that night? No? Well, that's the story of my life, folks.
Sometimes I feel like Dory: (This clip is from Finding Dory, where Dory ventures out to try and find find her family. After she accidentally ends up back in the ocean while searching for her parents at the marine life institute, she starts asking others for help, but quickly forgets what she was trying to do in the first place.)
But what does ADHD have to do with it?
Let's talk about memory real quick. Your sensory memory is the part of your brain where new information first goes--things you see, hear, or feel--and it lasts only a few seconds before it is forgotten. Your working memory (short-term memory) processes information and allows you to use it to complete a task, but only retains information for about 30 seconds (it also allows you to use information from your long-term memory). From there, the information is either forgotten or becomes part of your long-term memory for later reference. Unfortunately, for those with ADHD, memory (especially the working memory) is impaired. Information that comes to the sensory memory is often lost before the working memory can process it--it goes "in one ear (or eye, or thought bubble) and out the other" before it even gets processed.
Having a poor short term memory (plus distractability) makes day-to-day tasks unreasonably hard. Because so much information gets lost before it actually gets processed, any task that requires keeping track of what happened in the moments before gets really iffy. Here are a few examples:
1. At least once a day (usually a lot more) I will set something down, and seconds later be searching the house for it because A) I can't remember where I put it, and B) even if it's right in front of me, I have a hard time actually seeing it because my "brain" is looking at everything else within sight. I have often felt jipped because I don't feel like my "mom radar" (you know, than sixth sense moms have where a child asks where his shoes are, and they automatically know the shoes are in the empty box under the kitchen sink) ever kicked in. Guess I better just stick with the "go look for them" method for now.
2. Another thing I struggle with is holding conversations. If the other person is talking, something they say or something else I see or hear may trigger a thought that could seem totally off topic. Reeling my thoughts back in to keep the conversation relevant can be tough. Also, if I get interrupted in the middle of a thought, I'm done for. There is a 0.0001% chance I will be able to pick up where I left off without prompting. For this reason, I much prefer texting, email, or social media chats to face-to-face or (heaven forbid) phone conversations. It allows me to go back and read previous comments to make sure my next comment is relevant.
3.
I am also the queen of hiding things from myself. When I get a new or important item, I often think to myself, "now, put this where you will remember it." I then proceed to choose a home for said item and move on. Without fail, the next time I need it, I have no clue where I put it. The whole "out of sight, out of mind" philosophy is a little too true around here. For this exact reason, I often adapt what Terry Matlen called "horizontal filing." It looks awful, but having all my papers and "to do" items out where I can see them is the only way they get addressed. Guess I should get myself a big ol' cork board and some clear storage bins, eh?
Much like how visual cues help me take care of new/looming items, habits help me take care of the mundane ones. The hubster and I recently read a book together called "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg and it made me realize just how much I rely on habits to get me through the day. My conscious thoughts are often so jumbled that I rely on auto-pilot to accomplish many tasks. And thanks goodness for some of those habits! I can't imagine having to think about every step in tying my shoes or getting a bowl of cereal. Not having to consciously remember every step of every task is probably the only way I actually get anything done. Unfortunately, auto-pilot doesn't help much in remembering upcoming events.
But do you forget things every day? And important things like a close friend/family members' wedding reception (when the invitation was on the fridge AND it was written on your calendar)? Or a doctor's appointment you had to wait over a month to get in for (they probably called to confirm the appointment, maybe sent an email, and it was likely also on your calendar)? How about a church activity you had been excited about for a week, talked to a friend about that morning, and didn't remember to go until you were laying in bed that night? No? Well, that's the story of my life, folks.
Sometimes I feel like Dory: (This clip is from Finding Dory, where Dory ventures out to try and find find her family. After she accidentally ends up back in the ocean while searching for her parents at the marine life institute, she starts asking others for help, but quickly forgets what she was trying to do in the first place.)
[TURN THE VOLUME UP]
"What was I forgetting? Something. Something important. Wh...What was it? I...What was it? It's going away. It's going away. It's going because all I can do is forget. I just forget and I forget. It's what I do best. It's what I do."
But what does ADHD have to do with it?
Let's talk about memory real quick. Your sensory memory is the part of your brain where new information first goes--things you see, hear, or feel--and it lasts only a few seconds before it is forgotten. Your working memory (short-term memory) processes information and allows you to use it to complete a task, but only retains information for about 30 seconds (it also allows you to use information from your long-term memory). From there, the information is either forgotten or becomes part of your long-term memory for later reference. Unfortunately, for those with ADHD, memory (especially the working memory) is impaired. Information that comes to the sensory memory is often lost before the working memory can process it--it goes "in one ear (or eye, or thought bubble) and out the other" before it even gets processed.
Having a poor short term memory (plus distractability) makes day-to-day tasks unreasonably hard. Because so much information gets lost before it actually gets processed, any task that requires keeping track of what happened in the moments before gets really iffy. Here are a few examples:
1. At least once a day (usually a lot more) I will set something down, and seconds later be searching the house for it because A) I can't remember where I put it, and B) even if it's right in front of me, I have a hard time actually seeing it because my "brain" is looking at everything else within sight. I have often felt jipped because I don't feel like my "mom radar" (you know, than sixth sense moms have where a child asks where his shoes are, and they automatically know the shoes are in the empty box under the kitchen sink) ever kicked in. Guess I better just stick with the "go look for them" method for now.
2. Another thing I struggle with is holding conversations. If the other person is talking, something they say or something else I see or hear may trigger a thought that could seem totally off topic. Reeling my thoughts back in to keep the conversation relevant can be tough. Also, if I get interrupted in the middle of a thought, I'm done for. There is a 0.0001% chance I will be able to pick up where I left off without prompting. For this reason, I much prefer texting, email, or social media chats to face-to-face or (heaven forbid) phone conversations. It allows me to go back and read previous comments to make sure my next comment is relevant.
3.
I am also the queen of hiding things from myself. When I get a new or important item, I often think to myself, "now, put this where you will remember it." I then proceed to choose a home for said item and move on. Without fail, the next time I need it, I have no clue where I put it. The whole "out of sight, out of mind" philosophy is a little too true around here. For this exact reason, I often adapt what Terry Matlen called "horizontal filing." It looks awful, but having all my papers and "to do" items out where I can see them is the only way they get addressed. Guess I should get myself a big ol' cork board and some clear storage bins, eh? Much like how visual cues help me take care of new/looming items, habits help me take care of the mundane ones. The hubster and I recently read a book together called "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg and it made me realize just how much I rely on habits to get me through the day. My conscious thoughts are often so jumbled that I rely on auto-pilot to accomplish many tasks. And thanks goodness for some of those habits! I can't imagine having to think about every step in tying my shoes or getting a bowl of cereal. Not having to consciously remember every step of every task is probably the only way I actually get anything done. Unfortunately, auto-pilot doesn't help much in remembering upcoming events.
I frequently forget to do things. I will miss appointments, skip activities, forget to run an errand for my husband, etc. It hurts to feel like the "flaky" one. It's not because I am (intentionally) inconsiderate; I simply can't remember to follow through! Saying, "Sorry, I forgot," to a friend I skipped out on sounds like the worst excuse in the world, but is often the most honest thing I could say. It makes me look rude, and leaves others feeling uncared about. In order to make sure I don't forget, I will often write it on the wall calendar, highlight it in my planner, and set a couple different alarms in my phone. I do this for both big things (like a doctor's appointment or wedding reception) and small things (like checking my email). It seems excessive, but I need all the help I can get. I frequently forget to even look at my planner or calendar, and I misplace my phone almost daily. The more opportunities I have to be reminded, the more likely I will follow through.
Along with keeping important papers/items within sight, having pen-and-paper "to do" lists, and using multiple reminder sources, I've also started a quest to declutter in hopes of cutting down on my "hunting" time. What tips do you have for remembering events or keeping track of things?
