"Imagine you have a bunch of cats that you must put into a single box before you may begin working on task "X." You finish that task and move on to task "Y". That's great! Except now you have to let all the cats out and then get them all back into a different box before you can start. Same thing before task "Z" and every other task you need to work on."
For me, completing mentally complex tasks often goes something like this:
Cats--X--cats--Y--cats--Z--cats--cats--cats--cats--cats--give up. By "mentally complex" I don't mean building an atom bomb out of toothpicks and last week's leftover tuna casserole. I mean carrying on a conversation, getting out the door with everything I need, choosing an outfit that doesn't look I got dressed by my 3-year-old in the dark. Things that people usually have to put some thought into, but rarely become overwhelmed by. [By the way, I looked for a long time to try and find the noun for the word overwhem (like if I have become distraught by my team loosing, I am feeling something called distress; If I have become overwhelmed by my to-do list, I am feeling something called____?). I choose to use overwhelm as both a verb and a noun, even though that usage may be a bit archaic...I digress.]
Being overwhelmed happens so easily because every stimuli seems pressing me to acknowledge it, not just the pieces relevant to the task at hand. When everything going on around me is begging me to pay attention to it, I can hear Overwhelm coming up the driveway. And then it knocks on the door--one of the kids drops their fork on the floor; I can't find my keys; someone tries to call me on the phone. Enter "fight or flight," stage left.
My first response is to try to hide from it. I'll look for anything to engross myself in so that I don't have to think about anything else. It may be scrolling through social media or reorganizing my sock drawer (once I start, I can't stop).Thank you, Word of Wisdom, for not allowing me to self-medicate at this point.
My second line of defense is to fight it. And not in a "you won't get the best of me, Overwhelm; I'm stronger than this," sort of way. More in a "Hey (all you stimuli), shut up before I make you shut up (with face burning, fingers clenching, heart pounding)" sort of way. The worst is when my children, husband, or any other person falls into the "stimuli" category. I'm sorry, my loves. I'm so, so, sorry.
Since I've been digging deeper into ADHD, what its direct symptoms are, and what things it can lead to, I've been feeling ALL my emotions more acutely. The thoughts and feelings I've been trying to bury for years are clawing their way to the surface again. It's been really hard, but I feel like I'm learning things about myself I never understood before. Although I don't mean to excuse myself from past bad behavior, it's been a healing balm to my soul to learn that I'm not a bad mom, wife, daughter, or friend at heart--I just need to learn how to organize my thoughts, emotions, home, and life better. That I can become the mom, wife, daughter, and friend I want to be. That I don't have to allow Overwhelm to control me.
So get off my doorstep, Overwhelm. You're not welcome here anymore!
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