The Bread and Butter of [my] ADHD

Several months ago as I was perusing (read: scrolling endlessly through) Pinterest, I saw something that caught my eye. It was an article about ADHD in girls, and was intriguing because I didn't realize that there were difference forms of ADHD. I clicked on it, read it, was shocked by how many symptoms I could relate to, then forgot about it for a while. As my life continued to hand me struggles I felt I couldn't cope with, I remembered the article and decided to look into it a little more. After some research on mental health, it became clear that I had a problem. I didn't know if it was ADHD, depression, or some other disorder, but I had a problem. Inside I knew, but still wasn't quite ready to admit, that something was actually wrong with me.

After months of desperately trying to cope, I finally got the courage to ask my doctor about it. With his confirmation that yes, I do have ADHD, came both relief and a bit of sadness. Relief that many of my struggles came from a legitimate source. Sadness that there actually WAS something wrong with me--no one wants to be told there is something wrong with them.

Although it's been a roller coaster of emotions, I recently went to the library and picked up a few books that I thought might help. Currently, I am reading, "The Queen of Distraction: How Women with ADHD Can Conquer Chaos, Find Focus, and Get More Done," by Terry Matlen. It's been EYE OPENING to see that many things I have always had a hard time with are related to the ADHD.

To help you understand the situation a little better, here is a brief explanation of ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) as explained by Matlen:

ADHD characterized by impaired executive functioning such as planning, strategizing, organizing, goal setting, paying attention to details, and prioritizing, as well as self-regulation. These "deficits" result in two main types of ADHD: Inattentive Type and Hyperactivite/Impulsive Type (though it is possible be have a combination of the two).

In general, people struggling with ADHD often:

• become easily distracted
• find it hard to stop doing things that are interesting to them
• impulsively make decisions
• have trouble following directions carefully when working on a project
• have difficulty following through on promises or commitments
• struggle to do things in the proper sequence
• speed while driving
• have trouble relaxing

In addition, people who fall into the Inattentive sub-type (like me) tend to:

• have trouble paying attention to details
• make careless mistakes
• feel sluggish
• experience hypersensitivities
• have trouble staying on task unless the activity is very interesting
• have a poor memory
• see people's lips moving, but may not pay attention to what is being said
• avoid tasks that require a lot of mental effort
• forget where they've placed things

I felt I could check off nearly all of these symptoms in some form or another before my talk with the doctor, but it wasn't until I started reading into the subject after my diagnosis that I started to understand what they really meant in my day-to-day life.

Because I have Inattentive Type ADHD, I was able to fly under the radar. Sure, people noticed my short-comings (like my college roommate who constantly called me out when I started to wander around the apartment during my homework time, or my mom/dad who made trips to the school multiple times a week to bring me things I had forgotten), but nothing was obvious enough to warrant a doctor's visit. It wasn't until my previous coping mechanisms started to fail, and my flawed view of myself and the world started to skew beyond recognition that I realized I needed help.