ADD and Time Management

 I would like to think I'm like the curious young girl in this clip, but I am, in fact, much more like the short fellow in the bow tie. 

I feel like I am ALWAYS late. I will totally claim that. BUT, I am not proud of it. In fact, there are times when I try really really hard to be on time. However, somehow, someway, even if I have decided what time I need to leave (and leave some generous cushion before the time I actually have to be there), get up early, etc...it doesn't seem to matter. I'm still late more often than not. I can hear my dad's words echoing every Sunday as I'm rushing to get to 1:00pm church: "There is no excuse to be late to afternoon church!" And he's right, there really isn't (unless it's the kids' fault--they do, in fact, run the show).

What I've learned over the last few months is that there is a very good reason I'm chronically late. Not a good excuse, by any means, but knowing the root of the problem makes it a little easier to try to work around it. The reason is this: people who have ADD cannot keep track of time because it is the same concept as multitasking. Since it takes so much extra time/energy to switch from task to task or thought to thought, we really can't calculate how long a task will actually take, or how long we've been working at something. What felt like five minutes may have really been 20 minutes, and what felt like an hour was really only 10 minutes. It's like the nightmare version of God-exists-in-eternity, where time isn't really a thing...except I'm on earth, and time IS a thing!

My brother had a shirt like this, and I used to laugh. Now that I realize it really should have been MY shirt, it's a little less comical. There have been many occasions where someone from the search party (usually my dear sweet husband) comes to check on my progress, only to find I am indeed, lost in thought (or a lack there-of, haha).

I've noticed my poor time management show up on both the over-estimating and under-estimating ends of the spectrum, but most often I under-estimate--how long it will take to get ready, to drive somewhere, to write a blog post (*ahem), or to feed the kids lunch, etc. At the start, I am convinced it will only take "x" minutes, but by the time I'm done, it's taken "2x," 3x," or more minutes to wrap up whatever I was working on.

I have learned a couple tricks to getting around this though. I have found that if I set a timer or alarm for smaller increments of time (5, 10, or 15 minutes), it allows me to reevaluate how I'm using my time. This can be especially helpful if I'm trying to get ready for something like church or work. Since there are so many things to accomplish/check on before leaving, I often find myself wandering the house if I don't force myself to stay on track--my college roommates can certainly attest to my wandering habit! There were many a nights where one of them would spot me in the when I should have been doing homework, asked me what I was doing, and I honestly couldn't tell them why I was out there! Setting timers also proves helpful when I'm working on a task that isn't especially riveting.
  

Another trick is to make lists. Lots and lots of lists. Because I can't seem to remember what things I need to do (even something as simple as getting out the door with my keys AND my wallet), I spend a lot of time making unnecessary trips back and forth between rooms, cupboards, car/house, and on and on. If I make a list before-hand, I can really focus on what I need to accomplish in each place which really speeds up the process. While the list-making takes some time and often seems unnecessary, I can do it beforehand so that when the stress of a deadline comes, I've already figured out what I need to do. The only problem with making lists is remembering where I put it them when I need them later ;)

Finally, if I set a time that I MUST leave by that is a good 10 minutes earlier that when any other person would need to leave, I can usually arrive on time. Likewise, I have found that leaving very early, then finishing getting ready at my destination, can help. My best example is getting to work on time. When I need to be to work at 9am, I will get shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, pack my lunch and breakfast, and leave by about 8:15am. That way, even if there is an accident on the freeway, I'm still on time. With the extra time I have before I can clock in, I eat my breakfast, put on my makeup, fix my hair, or whatever else I didn't do before I left. Do people sometimes have to look at frizzy haired, left-over-mascara-ed, hangry me until I get to that point? Yes. Is my boss happy? Also yes!

What are your time-management tips? I'd love to hear any clever solutions you've developed!

Perfectionism, ADD, and depression--failing to fly because of fearing failure itself

Well, wouldn't you know it? I got DISTRACTED from my blog that is largely about my experience with ADD...but, I'm going to try to make a comeback. Since my last post, I've been officially diagnosed with depression, so many of my posts from here on with also deal with struggles related to that. Because ADD is so commonly accompanied by depression, I hope that any of you reading will better understand how the two work together to make this hard life even more difficult.

Yesterday I listened to a podcast I stumbled upon featuring Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, an LDS psychotherapist who mainly focuses on problems with relationships and intimacy, but whose main goal is to help people discover what it is to just be human, and the challenges that relate to being human. The podcast (which I highly recommend you listen to/read), called "The Perils of Perfectionism," talked about something I've long struggled with, but only lately recognized in myself--perfectionism.


I've always seen myself as "determined," but I never understood how that could be a bad thing until I started on this journey of self-understanding. One experience that stands out in my mind comes from my middle schools years. I know...that was a bad time for everyone (it should be illegal to sell baby blue eye shadow to a minor, by the way). As 7th grade was coming to a close, it was time for tryouts for the next year's--wait for it--cheer leading squad. What possessed me to even try out, I still don't entirely know. Perhaps it was the desire to be like my mom, a truly fit-for-the-job, beautiful, slim, and popular teenager. Perhaps I just wanted to be more popular--I had friends, but I rarely was spoken to by people outside my circle. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I was disliked. However, I did seem to fly under the radar quite unnoticed most of the time. Regardless, I did try out. And by some strange twist of fate, MADE THE TEAM!! Whaaaa??? I originally tried out just for fun, but now that that was over, I had to decide if I really wanted to go through with it. I knew there were other girls who REALLY wanted to be on the team, so I had better decide quickly if I wanted to give someone else the chance. I ended up going forward with it--a decision I really ended up regretting.

There were only five of us, meaning someone (usually me) was the odd-man-out. I never felt like I fit in with the other girls, and sometimes even felt a bit bullied by them. I noticed that some of the girls who were not on the team (and who frankly, I thought didn't care one tiny bit about cheer leading) started to treat me differently, and not in a good way. Some starting to talk to and about me like I was stuck-up, trying to be better that them, and the like. I didn't understand what was happening. I didn't feel like I had changed. I only wanted to try something new--something I thought might be fun, and might help me fit in more along the way. Instead, it made me miserable.

After confiding to my mom how I was feeling, she told me that it was ok if I wanted to quit. Inside, I wanted to quit sooooo bad. There were days I would come home from practice in tears because I hated it so much. But for some reason, I couldn't quit. I couldn't walk away from something I (and others) had invested so much time, effort, and money into. I didn't want to let anyone down. So I suffered through it.

This experience is only one of many that I can look back on and the see role my "perfectionism" played. I often have felt less-than, and still try so hard to make up for short-comings (sometimes real, sometimes only in my own mind). One thing that has left me feeling less-than is my Erb's Palsy (a permanent nerve injury to my right shoulder from birth). I've never been able to do things the same way other kids could. Even though I often adapted well enough to participate, I was never really the same. Another thing that has likely contributed to my poor self-esteem is my ADD, which (until recently) I thought was just a large collection of quirks and short-comings that I needed to work harder at eliminating.

In the podcast mentioned earlier, Dr. Finlayson-Fife talks about different kinds of perfectionists. One type feels they need to always strive to be superior to others--they want to be looked up to. Another type (the type I relate to) works non-stop to cover up their flaws in an attempt to be seen as adequate. That's right, adequate. Not great, superior, awesome, or without defect. Just adequate--always trying to be perfect in what they can control (and sometimes even what they can't control) because of the sense that without this sort of perfection, society will not accept them.

She also talks about two very differing achievement levels of perfectionism--overachievers and underachievers. Overachieving perfectionists are always trying to take their performance to the next level in order to be approved of. Underachieving perfectionists may fear failure so much that it prevents them from trying at all. Dr. Finlayson-Fife emphasizes that for both types, the root of the problem is the same: "it's the intolerance of making mistakes. It's the intolerance of exposing their humanity to themselves and to others." It's normal for us as humans to have high expectations--to want to improve. The problem comes when we somehow start to see ourselves as "above" the human experience--that it's not ok for us to make mistakes.

This type of mindset can be crippling to real development. I've seen it in my own life. At different points, I've been both an overachiever and an underachiever. I often look at things amiss in my life, and decide that if I can't be perfect in that portion of my life, it's not worth working on. Anything less than perfect would be considered a failure--even if I gained skills/knowledge/relationships, etc. along the way.

When speaking of progress, several great thinkers have warned that "perfect is the the enemy of good." My logical brain totally embraces this idea. My emotional brain just needs to get on board. I loved what Dr. Finlayson-Fife said regarding progress: "There are many things you are. There are many things you are not...yet."
 
It's so important that we learn to forgive ourselves for the ways in which we fall short. Partly because we are learning, and with learning comes mistakes. And partly, and perhaps more importantly, because our expectations may have been unreasonable in the first place. We judge how well we do by comparing ourselves to others. It's natural, and it's normal--up until the point where we begin to judge our value by comparing ourselves to to others. In the scriptures, we are told, "For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby." We all have different strengths, talents, and, yes, weaknesses. We will never be satisfied if we try to gauge our worth by looking at the successes of others because WE ARE NOT THEM!.

While we sometimes wear "perfectionism" as a badge of honor, like it somehow signifies that we are hard-working, determined, or motivated, it really doesn't serve any of us. Perfectionism is self-destructing because it pushes us to act only to gain the approval of others, not because we inherently want to do and be good. If our end-goal is to gain approval from others (something we really have zero control over), we will very often feel we have failed. If we can learn to embrace progress in our lives, one mistake, disappointment, or success at a time, THEN we can be satisfied with out efforts. We have to have faith that there is more for us that we can see with our own eyes. Dr. Finlayson-Fife explained that "the most meaningful understanding of faith is...striving towards what you believe is good, even though you haven't reached it yet."


One of my goals in living a happier, more simple life, is to learn to be ok with being ok. I don't have to be perfect. In fact, I don't even have to be good at something to be valued. Mediocre is a perfectly fine place to start. Do I want to be mediocre in all aspects of my life, for my whole life? Heavens NO! But to expect anything less than perfection of myself is to chain myself to the cannon balls of self-doubt, self-deprecation, self-loathing, and misery before jumping into the ocean of life. Change is hard, and I may have to file away at the chains linking me to those weights one exhausting stroke at a time, but life is hard too. I don't need my own unrealistic ideas to drag me down. I believe that learning to let go of my perfectionism will leave me feeling freer and more at peace than I have ever felt before. And that thought is enough to get me started. Now who has a rasp I can borrow?

Call Me Dory: Forgetfulness and ADHD

Everyone forgets things now and then. Maybe you forgot to pick up batteries while you were at the store. Maybe you forgot to send Great Aunt Murtle (whom you haven't seen in 5 years) a birthday card. Maybe you forgot your wallet once when you were in a hurry to get to work.

But do you forget things every day? And important things like a close friend/family members' wedding reception (when the invitation was on the fridge AND it was written on your calendar)? Or a doctor's appointment you had to wait over a month to get in for (they probably called to confirm the appointment, maybe sent an email, and it was likely also on your calendar)? How about a church activity you had been excited about for a week, talked to a friend about that morning, and didn't remember to go until you were laying in bed that night? No? Well, that's the story of my life, folks.

Sometimes I feel like Dory: (This clip is from Finding Dory, where Dory ventures out to try and find find her family. After she accidentally ends up back in the ocean while searching for her parents at the marine life institute, she starts asking others for help, but quickly forgets what she was trying to do in the first place.)

[TURN THE VOLUME UP]

"What was I forgetting? Something. Something important. Wh...What was it? I...What was it? It's going away. It's going away. It's going because all I can do is forget. I just forget and I forget. It's what I do best. It's what I do."

But what does ADHD have to do with it? 

Let's talk about memory real quick. Your sensory memory is the part of your brain where new information first goes--things you see, hear, or feel--and it lasts only a few seconds before it is forgotten. Your working memory (short-term memory) processes information and allows you to use it to complete a task, but only retains information for about 30 seconds (it also allows you to use information from your long-term memory). From there, the information is either forgotten or becomes part of your long-term memory for later reference. Unfortunately, for those with ADHD, memory (especially the working memory) is impaired. Information that comes to the sensory memory is often lost before the working memory can process it--it goes "in one ear (or eye, or thought bubble) and out the other"  before it even gets processed.

Having a poor short term memory (plus distractability) makes day-to-day tasks unreasonably hard. Because so much information gets lost before it actually gets processed, any task that requires keeping track of what happened in the moments before gets really iffy. Here are a few examples:

1. At least once a day (usually a lot more) I will set something down, and seconds later be searching the house for it because A) I can't remember where I put it, and B) even if it's right in front of me, I have a hard time actually seeing it because my "brain" is looking at everything else within sight. I have often felt jipped because I don't feel like my "mom radar" (you know, than sixth sense moms have where a child asks where his shoes are, and they automatically know the shoes are in the empty box under the kitchen sink) ever kicked in. Guess I better just stick with the "go look for them" method for now.

2. Another thing I struggle with is holding conversations. If the other person is talking, something they say or something else I see or hear may trigger a thought that could seem totally off topic. Reeling my thoughts back in to keep the conversation relevant can be tough. Also, if I get interrupted in the middle of a thought, I'm done for. There is a 0.0001% chance I will be able to pick up where I left off without prompting. For this reason, I much prefer texting, email, or social media chats to face-to-face or (heaven forbid) phone conversations. It allows me to go back and read previous comments to make sure my next comment is relevant.

3. I am also the queen of hiding things from myself. When I get a new or important item, I often think to myself, "now, put this where you will remember it." I then proceed to choose a home for said item and move on. Without fail, the next time I need it, I have no clue where I put it. The whole "out of sight, out of mind" philosophy is a little too true around here. For this exact reason, I often adapt what Terry Matlen called "horizontal filing." It looks awful, but having all my papers and "to do" items out where I can see them is the only way they get addressed. Guess I should get myself a big ol' cork board and some clear storage bins, eh?

Much like how visual cues help me take care of new/looming items, habits help me take care of the mundane ones. The hubster and I recently read a book together called "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg and it made me realize just how much I rely on habits to get me through the day. My conscious thoughts are often so jumbled that I rely on auto-pilot to accomplish many tasks. And thanks goodness for some of those habits! I can't imagine having to think about every step in tying my shoes or getting a bowl of cereal. Not having to consciously remember every step of every task is probably the only way I actually get anything done. Unfortunately, auto-pilot doesn't help much in remembering upcoming events.

I frequently forget to do things. I will miss appointments, skip activities, forget to run an errand for my husband, etc. It hurts to feel like the "flaky" one. It's not because I am (intentionally) inconsiderate; I simply can't remember to follow through! Saying, "Sorry, I forgot," to a friend I skipped out on sounds like the worst excuse in the world, but is often the most honest thing I could say.  It makes me look rude, and leaves others feeling uncared about. In order to make sure I don't forget, I will often write it on the wall calendar, highlight it in my planner, and set a couple different alarms in my phone. I do this for both big things (like a doctor's appointment or wedding reception) and small things (like checking my email). It seems excessive, but I need all the help I can get. I frequently forget to even look at my planner or calendar, and I misplace my phone almost daily. The more opportunities I have to be reminded, the more likely I will follow through.

Along with keeping important papers/items within sight, having pen-and-paper "to do" lists, and using multiple reminder sources, I've also started a quest to declutter in hopes of cutting down on my "hunting" time. What tips do you have for remembering events or keeping track of things?

The Clutter Cycle: How ADHD Affects My Ability to Keep the Chaos of Housekeeping Under Control

Ugh. The clutter. The disorganization. The "where the heck is my _______?!?"

ADHD makes organization very difficult for a few reasons. If we go back to those executive functions I mentioned a while back, you'll remember I have difficulty sorting and prioritizing. Knowing what is most important in order of urgency and/or value is hard to decipher. Compound that with easily becoming overwhelmed, and you have a recipe for disaster. Figuratively speaking, my house looks like a mid-West tornado has screamed through it more often than not.

The clutter begins with trying to put things away in the first place. If it doesn't have a "home", it goes wherever is most convenient to put it down--by the front door, on the kitchen table, on my nightstand, etc. Newly purchased items may live on the floor for months before they finally get a home. Sometimes even putting things away that already have homes still gets seems like the daunting task of the century (i.e. hanging clothes back up in the closet after I've washed them--it can't be done).

My organizational life, in a nutshell.

After the mess has built up, it's overwhelming trying to decide where to start. Do I wash the sink FULL of dishes? Do I fold the mountain of laundry? Do I pick up the dirty sock that has been sitting on the floor for three weeks days? What about the stack(s) of mail on the dinner table? After looking around and getting overwhelmed at the scope of the the task, I usually just leave it and tell myself I'll do it later.

[Around this time I sometimes watch an episode of "Hoarding: Buried Alive" in an attempt to scare motivate myself to do something about the mess.]
 
Once the initial overwhelm has dissipated enough for me to look around some more, I start to feel anxious about the clutter. It's almost like it's going to take on a life of it's own and hold me for ransom if I don't do something soon. To make it worse, I beat myself up for not being more organized in the first place or for not taking care of the mess sooner. I talk myself down, saying: "It's just laundry, dishes, mail, etc. Everyone else seems to manage it, why can't you?"

At that point, the rookies Anxiety and Frustration meet up with returning champion Overwhelm. They go a few rounds until I decide it's a lose-lose match up, and I give up entirely, retreating to some other sphere where I don't have to think about it. 

[Imagine Anxiety as Anakin, Frustration as Obi-Wan, and Overwhelm as Count Dooku. Overhwhelm dies in the end, Anxiety appears to have won, but really goes to the dark side shortly after, and Frustration has to live on watching watching his failure turn into Darth Vader and gone on to wreak havoc. See, no one really wins.]

The vicious cycle usually continues until I have some sort of nervous breakdown when the anxiety starts man-handling the overwhelm and I get sucked into the black hole of decluttering, organizing, reorganizing, and cleaning at the expense of everything else (food, sleep, appointments...). Remember hyperfocus?-- still a topic for another day.

If I do manage to break the cycle and start the organizing process, I still struggle to make any progress. When it comes to de-cluttering, all items seem to come in at the same value (an old pair of shoes that I haven't worn in well over a year still feel as important as my favorite blouse). Trying to deciding what to keep, what to toss, and what to donate feels impossible. Papers are especially hard to keep up with. Oh, the piles and piles of papers!!!

And forget "straightening up" a room. What started as straightening up in one room ends up as scrubbing the baseboards in the bathroom or sorting through a box of old sentimentals I found under the bed.

In the book I mentioned previously, the author gave many great tips on organizing and cleaning. What ideas do you have for managing the clutter? I'll do a "tips" post in the near future, and would love to include some of your solutions.

Overwhelm? Overwhelmedness? Overwhelmth? Whaterever...I give up

Remember my "herding cats" analogy from my last post? No? Here's a refresher:

"Imagine you have a bunch of cats that you must put into a single box before you may begin working on task "X." You finish that task and move on to task "Y". That's great! Except now you have to let all the cats out and then get them all back into a different box before you can start. Same thing before task "Z" and every other task you need to work on."

For me, completing mentally complex tasks often goes something like this: Cats--X--cats--Y--cats--Z--cats--cats--cats--cats--cats--give up. By "mentally complex" I don't mean building an atom bomb out of toothpicks and last week's leftover tuna casserole. I mean carrying on a conversation, getting out the door with everything I need, choosing an outfit that doesn't look I got dressed by my 3-year-old in the dark. Things that people usually have to put some thought into, but rarely become overwhelmed by. 

[By the way, I looked for a long time to try and find the noun for the word overwhem (like if I have become distraught by my team loosing, I am feeling something called distress; If I have become overwhelmed by my to-do list, I am feeling something called____?). I choose to use overwhelm as both a verb and a noun, even though that usage may be a bit archaic...I digress.]

Being overwhelmed happens so easily because every stimuli seems pressing me to acknowledge it, not just the pieces relevant to the task at hand. When everything going on around me is begging me to pay attention to it, I can hear Overwhelm coming up the driveway. And then it knocks on the door--one of the kids drops their fork on the floor; I can't find my keys; someone tries to call me on the phone. Enter "fight or flight," stage left.

My first response is to try to hide from it. I'll look for anything to engross myself in so that I don't have to think about anything else. It may be scrolling through social media or reorganizing my sock drawer (once I start, I can't stop).Thank you, Word of Wisdom, for not allowing me to self-medicate at this point.

My second line of defense is to fight it. And not in a "you won't get the best of me, Overwhelm; I'm stronger than this," sort of way. More in a "Hey (all you stimuli), shut up before I make you shut up (with face burning, fingers clenching, heart pounding)" sort of way. The worst is when my children, husband, or any other person falls into the "stimuli" category. I'm sorry, my loves. I'm so, so, sorry.

Since I've been digging deeper into ADHD, what its direct symptoms are, and what things it can lead to, I've been feeling ALL my emotions more acutely. The thoughts and feelings I've been trying to bury for years are clawing their way to the surface again. It's been really hard, but I feel like I'm learning things about myself I never understood before. Although I don't mean to excuse myself from past bad behavior, it's been a healing balm to my soul to learn that I'm not a bad mom, wife, daughter, or friend at heart--I just need to learn how to organize my thoughts, emotions, home, and life better. That I can become the mom, wife, daughter, and friend I want to be. That I don't have to allow Overwhelm to control me.

So get off my doorstep, Overwhelm. You're not welcome here anymore!

Distraction in ADHD: More Than Just...Oh, a squirrel!

For those of us with ADHD, distractibility comes from being unable to prioritize the stimuli around us. Everything seems to be calling for our attention, and it's difficult to differentiate what we actually need to pay attention to from what should be ignored or addressed later. For example, I may be trying to read an email, but I can't help but notice my glasses are dirty, the faucet is dripping, someone is cooking bacon, the blinds are crooked, my foot itches, the lights are on, I'm breathing, and everything else in between. It's like being in a room full of people who are all trying to talk to you at the same time. At times there's so much mental noise I can't actually hear much of anything.

In fact, some might say that "attention deficit" is a misnomer. The problem isn't that I don't have enough attention. The problem is that I either have a little bit of attention trying to go in a million different directions at once, or I have ALL my attention on one. single. thing. [The latter is called "hyperfocus"--more on that another day.] There is very little in-between. 

Ok, some may be thinking that since my attention seems to be be in a lot of places at once that I'd be a great multitasker. WRONG! I'm terrible at it. Let's start by clearing up a common misconception about multitasking; people can't actually think about multiple things at once. They simply go back and forth between tasks so rapidly they don't even realize it. For people with ADHD, those transitions are a lot harder. Going from task to task (or topic to topic) can be a little like this:

Imagine you have a bunch of cats that you must put into a single box before you may begin working on task "X." You finish that task and want to start working on "Y". That's great! Except now you have to let all the cats out and then get them all back into a different single box before you can start. Same thing before moving to task "Z" and every other task you need to work on.

This "herding cats" type of mental transitioning can make basic things like prepping meals, choosing clothes for a well-coordinated outfit, or feeding two toddlers extra challenging. This goes the same for carrying on conversations (especially over the phone) or even just listening to people talk. It happens all too frequently that a speaker has moved on to their next point before I've the had the chance to get all my "cats" gathered into the first "box".

But, cats aside, I have picked up some tricks for dealing with the distraction, and I'm sure I'll find more as I continue to study up on the condition. Any tips or tricks you find helpful for minimizing distractions throughout the day? Leave your ideas in the comments! I'll being doing some "tips and tricks" posts in the future and I'd love to include some your little nuggets of wisdom :D

The Bread and Butter of [my] ADHD

Several months ago as I was perusing (read: scrolling endlessly through) Pinterest, I saw something that caught my eye. It was an article about ADHD in girls, and was intriguing because I didn't realize that there were difference forms of ADHD. I clicked on it, read it, was shocked by how many symptoms I could relate to, then forgot about it for a while. As my life continued to hand me struggles I felt I couldn't cope with, I remembered the article and decided to look into it a little more. After some research on mental health, it became clear that I had a problem. I didn't know if it was ADHD, depression, or some other disorder, but I had a problem. Inside I knew, but still wasn't quite ready to admit, that something was actually wrong with me.

After months of desperately trying to cope, I finally got the courage to ask my doctor about it. With his confirmation that yes, I do have ADHD, came both relief and a bit of sadness. Relief that many of my struggles came from a legitimate source. Sadness that there actually WAS something wrong with me--no one wants to be told there is something wrong with them.

Although it's been a roller coaster of emotions, I recently went to the library and picked up a few books that I thought might help. Currently, I am reading, "The Queen of Distraction: How Women with ADHD Can Conquer Chaos, Find Focus, and Get More Done," by Terry Matlen. It's been EYE OPENING to see that many things I have always had a hard time with are related to the ADHD.

To help you understand the situation a little better, here is a brief explanation of ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) as explained by Matlen:

ADHD characterized by impaired executive functioning such as planning, strategizing, organizing, goal setting, paying attention to details, and prioritizing, as well as self-regulation. These "deficits" result in two main types of ADHD: Inattentive Type and Hyperactivite/Impulsive Type (though it is possible be have a combination of the two).

In general, people struggling with ADHD often:

• become easily distracted
• find it hard to stop doing things that are interesting to them
• impulsively make decisions
• have trouble following directions carefully when working on a project
• have difficulty following through on promises or commitments
• struggle to do things in the proper sequence
• speed while driving
• have trouble relaxing

In addition, people who fall into the Inattentive sub-type (like me) tend to:

• have trouble paying attention to details
• make careless mistakes
• feel sluggish
• experience hypersensitivities
• have trouble staying on task unless the activity is very interesting
• have a poor memory
• see people's lips moving, but may not pay attention to what is being said
• avoid tasks that require a lot of mental effort
• forget where they've placed things

I felt I could check off nearly all of these symptoms in some form or another before my talk with the doctor, but it wasn't until I started reading into the subject after my diagnosis that I started to understand what they really meant in my day-to-day life.

Because I have Inattentive Type ADHD, I was able to fly under the radar. Sure, people noticed my short-comings (like my college roommate who constantly called me out when I started to wander around the apartment during my homework time, or my mom/dad who made trips to the school multiple times a week to bring me things I had forgotten), but nothing was obvious enough to warrant a doctor's visit. It wasn't until my previous coping mechanisms started to fail, and my flawed view of myself and the world started to skew beyond recognition that I realized I needed help.